Zuliana Zohadie
A peek into the life of an ordinary girl-next-door, who knows how to make those mundane details of life just that bit more interesting.
Haha. Sure.
Enjoy!
Note:
Any reference, compliments, insults, comments, bitching, cursing towards anybody should not be taken personally. Thanks for being a sport!
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Saturday, July 10, 2010
Forget my past and look forward here.
xoxo
Posted at 2:14 am by zuey
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Monday, September 15, 2008
Is it weird if i emo and cry to Usher's Love in This Club?
Probably. Considering that's a song most people would dance and grind their asses to.
It's just that that particular song reminds me of the good times i had with my babes. My girlfriends. In the car. On the way back to whoever's house we'll be crashing at after clubbing and partying. On the way to and back from bestari. In the car, filled with continuous senseless laughter, feeling the ultimate feeling of freedom and comfort so good, you wont be able to imagine.
I have to admit, i've had the best times of my life in the past two-three years. All thanks to the fantabulous people i call my girlfriends. And since everything is about to (or has) change in the most immense of ways, i shall dedicate this post to those who deserve to be thanked.
First and foremost, it has to be Ashy. She's been there for me, looking out for me unconditionally for the past 5 years. She brings out the best in me, despite what most of you out there will say. Get to really know her, and you'll see one of the biggest hearts and smartest brains ever. I owe her more than i can count. She helped me through the worst obstacle i've ever faced to date, and even after seeing me at my utmost worst, she still loves me. Hehe. I love her too.
She left for aussie earlier in the year...and as much as i cried, i'm really happy for her. We understand each other's lives, and how it is FREAKING hard to deal with parents/friends/boyfriends like ours. So i'm happy she got the chance to go off and have the chance to really be herself, with nobody holding her back. Including those fucktards who used to treat us like garbage.
I miss her. When we were together, we did the craziest things. Driving aimlessly became an enjoyable hobby. Hitting on under aged boys at playgrounds was the shit. Drinking was essential. Basically fucking up our teenage lives like how we were supposed to became fun, instead of traumatic. I wish she were still here. But no worries, she comes back home often =)
Come november 25th, we be tearing the city down. Hahahaha.
Then come my Lala's. And by Lala's, i dont mean overzealous bell-bottomed over-the-top chinese dressing, neither am i referring to shellfish.
Lala's meaning those 5 amazing sluts who made studying in the worst place possible more than bearable.
Like i said above, the best times were made usually just by doing something average, un-averagely. Like making lemonade. And eating banana leaf. And driving. Cam-whoring till the camera/phone battery dies. Not to mention chain-farting. And eating at bestari in the middle of the day during fasting month. And please dont forget, the GOSSIPING and BITCHING. Oh, that is the shit. There's so much more we did but i cant remember anymore at the moment....but whatever it is, i owe these girls plenty too. (How much do you owe someone who let you puke all over her lap?)
And now, they're all leaving. Or have left. And i'm here, alone.
I try not to get too upset and emo-ish about it, but what am i gonna do now?
The only people left here are the guys. Dont get me wrong, they're undoubtedly great guys, but lets face it.....they're not gonna be willing to fix my wedgies for me are they.
I will miss. Terribly.
Bangsar telawi will never be the same. TSB and Chilis OU will never be as fun. It wont feel as though i have additional sisters anymore.
Sighh...i hate change. Why must everybody move on. I wish i could turn back time. Maybe i'll invent a time machine. Then maybe taking engineering might actually be useful to me.
Anyway, i think i've written too much tonight. I hardly write anything with substance nowadays. I just over-emo. Sorry, just tahan a bit more. I'll be ok again soon.
I'll end it with a big-fat-wet-sloppy thank you to the few people who have really made the difference for me. I love you guys, foreverandeverandeverandever. Take care of yourselves wherever you're going k? I'm just a phone call (or facebook wall) away =)
Night guys.
Ashy & Me, 2004
LaLa's, 2006
Posted at 1:16 am by zuey
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Wednesday, September 10, 2008
So, i pretty much got what i wanted tonight. Just for tonight la.
Woke up at 4am today...i know you might think its early, but i slept at 8.30pm the night before.
Showered then went downstairs to do my work. Ate around 5ish then went up to take a nap =)
Woke up again, did more work then went off for classes. Bla bla bla, another long dull choking day in sucky Monash (Monass). Decided to skip maths tutorial so i could go to the food bazaar =D teeheee. It's been a week plus since puasa started but today was the first day i went to look for my own food k? Give me a break man. Heh.
Ran into some uni people there...bought my extra kerang char kuey teow or however you spell it. Walk walk walk. Came back and napped (i knowww, i sleep a lot).
Woke up, ate like a mother fucker then did more assignments. Jeez.
Then Baby came over...he just got back from Penang. I missed him while he was gone, definitely, but i felt happy in a way that i managed to get a lot of work done. Oh well.
But yes, i MISSED him, so cuddle cuddle, kiss kiss i dont have to tell you what went down, then went to get starbucks as usual. Some things will never change.
We've been going to SB taipan since....forever man. SPM time?
No wonder it feels like fucking home (other than the fact that i have to work there on weekends), and no wonder its so hard to let it go =O
Yeah, you wont get what i mean unless you're me. Which you're not.....i think.
Came back home and, SURPRISE!, did more assignments. Jeeeez, it will fucking never end for 4 freaking long years. Sighh.
But WTV, i got what i wanted tonight. I can actually fall asleep without worry and with a smile on my face. Yays.
So thats pretty much what i did today...i dont really have much to blog about.
July's leaving this Thursday night/Friday morning. Dee and Najwa the next week. Fuck, i dont wanna get into this right now. It's gonna spoil tonight so i'll just save it for another day when i feel less happy and more fucked up (which will probably be tmrw or sometime very soon).
Oh, we got stopped by police the other night on the way back from July's farewell party...i guess they were looking for some thugs or some shit like that, they asked for our IC's. But Mizi sooo pandai, didnt bring his IC so had to give his license instead. Which happened to be expired. So kena la tahan. And for the first time since i've known him, i saw him almost cry. ALMOST. Hahahahahaha. It was funny. Really. You had to be there. On top of that i was already late coming back, so when i called my mum to tell her we got pulled over and i'll be even later, she said "if they take you guys to the police station, then padan muka. Let me sleep first then call me when you get to make your one phone call". Haha. Funny shit.
I just had to put that in...simply because i've always thought that stuff like that only happens to bad people like me. But it turns out, really good baik guys like Tarmizi get it too. So i was wrong. The conclusion is that police are just fucked up. Well, Malaysian police that is. Always looking for coffee money. Sigh. Stop it la guys.
So, i wanna go sleep. I love to sleep, almost as much as i love to eat =)
Hope you guys had a good night as well.
Posted at 1:05 am by zuey
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Thursday, September 04, 2008
I wonder at what point did it all start to crumble.
What was so great a few months back turned a whole 180 degrees to become what it is now. At least, its not all gone yet.
And i wonder if i did fuck it up? I'd like to think so. Its easier to blame myself that way.
Because honestly, lets think of it. You were perfect. You were all i needed, you were what made me smile, basically, you were perfect.
So how could i blame you when it gets fucked up?
Except for the fact that when you crashed and burned, i didn't fumble.
And now when i'm caught in a one-way street, where are you?
Maybe its time i woke up. Smelled the coffee. Realize that the dream is honestly over. That nothing that good could have ever lasted. Some things in life are too precious to be owned by somebody.
I placed my entire being into your hands, and now when you let go, i'm lost.
Okay, i'll admit it. I cant do this. I thought what i went through back then was bad, but it's nothing compared to this.
I'm having a hard time, a real hard time.
I'm unhappy about where i ended up...about where i'm going. About the fact that everybody's leaving. It may be trivial to you, yes. But it all hit me, hard. And i'm not doing so well.
But i expected you to be here for me. Support me as we've been doing all this while. Yeah, maybe this time it's harder to deal with, but lets face it, problems will never get easier. I thought there was nothing that could stop you from taking care of me.
I know you still love me. I love you too. But maybe, just maybe, its time we threw in the towel.
Leave while it's good.
Because it doesn't feel the same anymore. I dont see you as my sunshine anymore. I hurt even more than i already do when i talk to you. When you intentionally say things that you know will hurt me.
I'd rather let go now. Because i always want to think good things of you. I'd always want to think of you and smile. Even if it doesn't go as far as we've planned.
I dont want to hate you.
When i was lying on the operating bed, waiting to be anesthetized, the only thing that made me hold the tears back was you. Because i knew you needed me to be strong, even when it was impossible. So that you could be strong. So that you could be okay.
I need you to be strong now, too. Because i need to be okay. Which i know i will be. Things are hard for me to deal with now, but they'll get better. Like i always say, when you're down, the only place you can go is up.
I just need you to be a bit patient with me. Please?
Because as much as i think i should let go of you now, i dont want to.
This is real. This is what God gave me to make up for everything thing else that i lack. This is what some people spend their lifetime searching for.
I dont want to be half of a whole.
So please, can you be patient?
Posted at 4:43 am by zuey
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Monday, March 31, 2008
Eeeeee. I swear, i could rub my nose all over it all day, everyday.
And pinch. And bite. Grrrr. Couldn't get enough today, went home unsatisfied =)
I can't believe i'm gonna have to leave it all behind in a few months time =(
I can't do it. I already know. I'll break down.
What will i wrap around myself when i'm vulnerable?
CANNOT. Help.
See, this is why addiction is bad.
Posted at 1:20 am by zuey
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Monday, March 17, 2008
This post will be dedicated to Nazirul who passed away on the 14th of March.
May he rest in peace & may the rest of us pray for him as well as take this as a reminder that life's not something to be taken for granted.
For someone to go at the age of 21? That wasn't fair. And i hope & pray i'll never receive news like this ever again about any of my friends or family, not while everybody's still young and have so much ahead of them.
This month hasn't been easy, no. I haven't been able to sleep peacefully since that dreadful February 29th. By far, this has been the hardest thing i've ever had to go through. This was really a test. But it ended today. In some ways.
But in other ways, i know it will never end. I'm not someone with a whole lot of wants & ambitions. But ironically, i've already failed in the only thing that i did want. And that sucks.
Yeah, this was probably my punishment for being an uber-terrible daughter and maybe it's what i deserve, so i'll take it & accept it.
But fuck, it's not easy.
But i know i'm lucky. And thankful. That i had one person who looked out for me, and that God was kind enough to spare me eventhough i fucked up. At least im still here with my second chance.
As for Nazzy? I hope he had a fulfilling life. I hope he managed to achieve what he told me he wanted. If i had known he'd go so fast, i'd tell him i'm sorry.
Al-fatihah.
Posted at 7:34 pm by zuey
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